Not Always Alone, One Writes Of Loneliness

                                   

 

I had forgotten what it means to be alone, to feel alone, to think alone. I was reminded of this when I took a solo trip 4,000 miles away to Germany last month, to attend the world’s largest book fair.

How does one feel alone amidst thousands of conference attendees or while walking down busy and crowded boulevards?

You see all of those people going about their lives, but I am invisible to them. I hold no currency. I am present but not in their consciousness.

Certainly I feel alone when I eat by myself and when I do fun (comedy club) or thought-provoking things (attend museums), in which there is no one next to me to talk with, exchange views, or even affirm a common experience. No one knows me in Germany who can validate my past, no one to encourage me, no one to challenge me to be better, and no one there to laugh with.

Sure, I am not truly alone in life. Back home is a wife, two kids, and other family, friends, and neighbors. I could also talk on the phone or text and email, but all of that does not replace the rewards and joys of having a living being by your side, to hold and touch, to talk to without an intermediary device, to look into another’s eyes and feel judgment, acceptance, or connection. I forgot how much people play a role in shaping who I am — and what I do, feel, and think.

My best writing comes when I am alone amidst a crowd. It sounds contradictory, but I need sounds around me, and to feel the forces of life’s energy around me. But I can’t be next to anyone whom I know, who will tempt me to talk or try to engage me.

Writers live lonely lives, some selectively during their writing process, like me, and others when it comes to their social life, perhaps due to circumstances or intention. I used to be more in tune to the loneliness, such as when I wasn’t dating anyone early in college or in between my divorce and meeting my second wife. Heck, I felt something worse than loneliness before my first marriage ended, when I felt unloved and even ignored by the person who had been closest to me.

Traveling is an awesome experience, to see new things, discover new facts and see unfamiliar lifestyles, architecture, fashions, and foods. You see new beauty — from natural landscapes to the urban skyline. Even with the globalization of the world and the tourist traps of every nation, there is still plenty to see and do in a new land.  Travel alters your mind rhythm from that of your day-to-day back-home life. Even when done alone, it is fun.

I have a greater appreciation for life after being reminded of the barriers that loneliness can present me with. For some, the reality of loneliness never leaves them.  For writers, it can shape their craft, even provide more opportunities to write and inspire the creation of a world that they crave to be a part of. When you see a writer alone, you may be witnessing greatness — and loneliness.

 

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About Brian Feinblum

Brian Feinblum should be followed on www.linkedin.com/in/brianfeinblum. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog ©2024. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he now resides in Westchester with his wife, two kids, and Ferris, a black lab rescue dog, and El Chapo, a pug rescue dog. His writings are often featured in The Writer and IBPA’s The Independent (https://pubspot.ibpa-online.org/article/whats-needed-to-promote-a-book-successfully).  This award-winning blog has generated over 3.9 million pageviews. With 5,000+ posts over the past dozen years, it was named one of the best book marketing blogs by BookBaby  http://blog.bookbaby.com/2013/09/the-best-book-marketing-blogs  and recognized by Feedspot in 2021 and 2018 as one of the top book marketing blogs. It was also named by www.WinningWriters.com as a "best resource.” For the past three decades, including 21 years as the head of marketing for the nation’s largest book publicity firm, and director of publicity positions at two independent presses, Brian has worked with many first-time, self-published, authors of all genres, right along with best-selling authors and celebrities such as: Dr. Ruth, Mark Victor Hansen, Joseph Finder, Katherine Spurway, Neil Rackham, Harvey Mackay, Ken Blanchard, Stephen Covey, Warren Adler, Cindy Adams, Todd Duncan, Susan RoAne, John C. Maxwell, Jeff Foxworthy, Seth Godin, and Henry Winkler. He hosted a panel on book publicity for Book Expo America several years ago, and has spoken at ASJA, BookCAMP, Independent Book Publishers Association Sarah Lawrence College, Nonfiction Writers Association, Cape Cod Writers Association, Willamette (Portland) Writers Association, APEX, Morgan James Publishing, and Connecticut Authors and Publishers Association. His letters-to-the-editor have been published in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, New York Post, NY Daily News, Newsday, The Journal News (Westchester) and The Washington Post. His first published book was The Florida Homeowner, Condo, & Co-Op Association Handbook.  It was featured in The Sun Sentinel and Miami Herald.