Over the
years I’ve read through a number of books that explain how we should act when it
comes to manners and etiquette. I recall
reading Miss Manners and Emily Post and Ann Landers and Dear Abby. Some reveal attitudes, mores, styles, ethics
or religious-based tenets on how to treat one another or act in a given
situation. Some were detailed on how to
do the small things while others focus on the core of how we really interact with
fellow humans. I had the pleasure to
skim through a breezy new handbook, Manners That Matter Most: The Easy Guide
To Etiquette At Home And In The World by June Eding.
Such a
book will always be needed because people don’t always do what’s right. We have become self-centered, selfish, or ignorant
and unaware of the world around us. The
younger generations need to be told the rules of the road and older people need
reminders of how to acknowledge and treat others.
Manners
aren’t necessarily about how to dress or speak, though they could be, but
rather they are about what we say and do and how we treat people around
us. Are you talking loudly on your
cellphone in a restaurant? Are you
cutting people off on the highway? Do
you gossip about others? Do you fail to
clean up your messes? Do you take other
people’s schedules and circumstances into consideration?
“Having
good manners means thinking about other people and treating them with kindness and respect,” writes
Eding. “It doesn’t take much, but small
actions make a big difference. In the
course of a busy day, simple gestures reassure the people we interact with that
we are taking them into consideration and doing what we can to make things more
pleasant. For those we know and love, employing good manners solidifies our relationship and shows others how much we
appreciate them.
“These
small kindnesses make our lives easier.
They take the anxiety out of living in a world where we are constantly
meeting new people and encountering new faces.
They help make our relationships at home, at work, and among friends
more rewarding.”
She says
practicing good manners does not have to be a chore or complicated.
“Simple
actions make a big impact,” she writers.
“Show up on time (or apologize sincerely if we’re late), serve someone
else before we serve ourselves at a table, or hold the door open for someone if
their hands are full. These actions form
a portrait in someone else’s mind of who we really are: A considerate,
thoughtful person.
“Having
good manners means understanding that we all want respect and kindness, and
striving to do what we can to ensure other people are treated well.”
So how
do manners apply to our modern life that increasingly revolves around on-demand
technology? Do we behave poorly at work
or home because we have zeroed in on a handheld device while shunning human
contact? Do all of the work-at-home
employee change how and when work is done?
Are global communications and business dealings impacting how we treat
each other?
She says
we shouldn’t take those we love for granted nor should we skip the pleasantries
with others, such as saying “please” or “thank you.” She offers tips on how to treat family
members and roommates with respect (don’t yell across the house) and reminds us
to do things like chores, acknowledging the efforts of another, and not to talk
to people with barriers, such as through a bathroom door.
The
section on table manners, from how to hold a fork to banning devices, are
useful reminders, as are her tips for hosting a dinner party, how to be a
considerate guest, and how to have engaging conversations.
Behaving
properly is not always easy but can be quite rewarding. “Manners help us make the most of those
moments,” she states. “They remind us
to keep a cool head when a minor annoyance arises, refrain from criticizing
someone, or hold back from going on at length about our frustrating day. With these interruptions set aside, we can
enjoy a more meaningful encounter with others.”
The main
portion of her book centers on 25 habits or principles, including:
·
Take
the time to be polite – don’t rush
·
Express
gratitude the right way
·
Offer
to help and provide a kind word or gesture
·
Listen
carefully and often
·
Teach
by example
·
Be
a person of your word
·
Respect
other people’s space
·
Be
appreciative
·
Smile
and be friendly
·
Get
back to people promptly
·
Know
when to apologize meaningfully
·
Keep
your problems to yourself
·
Don’t
boss others
One
maxim that stuck out was “treat yourself well.”
She said: “I don’t practice bad manners when it comes to how you treat
yourself” and “think of yourself as another person.” She notes if you keep scolding or berating
yourself you will not be in a strong position to practice sensitivity toward
those around you.
The
concluding principle, Don’t Assume Honesty Is The Best Policy, is one I will
need to pay more attention to. She
warned that sharing your opinions is not always welcomed, writing: “Having good
manners doesn’t mean you have to lie or be dishonest. It just means respecting another person’s
feelings and putting those feelings first.
Your honest opinion might save someone from some serious trouble, but if
your words will harm, insult, or injure another person, skip it.”
But
don’t skip this book! It is a pleasant
reminder of how we should be treated and treat others. If we all read this book we’d hopefully find
a little more effort in acting better towards one another. As the new year approaches and you reflect on
what you want to change, eliminate, add, or accomplish, think about how you act
towards others. If you improve upon your
relationships and social interactions you will contribute to a better world.
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