Book Marketing Advice From My Dog

Could anyone learn anything from a mute being who operates on a 12-hour cycle of eat-poop-sleep?

I would ask Daisy, my English bulldog, who just turned five years old, but she doesn’t speak human. I’m so glad she can’t talk, even though she communicates in other ways. If she spoke to me, I’m afraid whatever wisdom she has will be drowned out by complaints like “Can’t you feed me something besides dog food?” or “Why are you late in letting me go outside to take a dump?” Who needs that? I like the mystery of not knowing exactly what’s on her mind coupled with the notion she has no idea of all the stupid stuff I say to her. Further, she bares witness to all the things I do when alone or to conversations that I have privately. If she could talk, she’d reveal who knows what?

Maybe we’d treat our pets better if they spoke and behave differently if they turn into talking security cameras around us, though I’d like to think I take care of my dog's basic needs. She enjoys a rent-free, job-free, chore-free life. She sleeps at will—and often—gets free medical care, is massaged daily, gets lots of hugs and kisses, and gets to sleep on the cushy king-sized bed with people who love her. What could be bad?

But she’s not often around her kind. She also has no freedom or much of a way to express free will. She’s an animal living in a human world. I’d like to be a human living in an animal world.

So, despite her limitations, Daisy manages to market herself well. What does she do to get attention that authors should do?

1.      Look cute! Dogs can be beautiful even if ugly. Humans and their books can be dressed up to look better than they really are.

2.      Make noise! Dogs bark, howl, or just make their presence known. Authors need to speak up and get loud.

3.      Be friendly! Dogs roll over for belly rubs, wag their tails with anticipation, or jump up with excitement around you. They are very friendly and writers will find they will capture more favors by being friendly.

4.      Never say a bad word! Sure, dogs can’t speak English but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should use your words to speak badly of others.

5.      Live off the kindness of others! Dogs are free-loaders and authors need to feed off of the generosity or others without guilt.

6.      Cuddle up and appear interested! Dogs like to rub against you, to be rubbed and scratched, and to lick you. They seem to say they like you. You don’t have to sit on someone’s lap, but show interest in others with your words and gestures.

7.      Focus your eyes on another and make them feel engaged! Dogs are great at attentively focusing on you and they always make eye contact, never shying away. You too must engage another with heartfelt glances and eye contact.

8.      Don’t bite the hand that feeds you! Make sure you thank and reward those who help you.

9.      Don’t crap on other people’s stuff! Well-fed, healthy dogs don’t poop in the house or dirty up your things. You too should not in anyway, mess up or interfere with the lives or belongings of others.

10.  Let sleepy dogs lie! No need to disturb or fight with others who can hurt you or injure your chances of success. Treat people fairly, politely, and kindly.

Maybe the best way to promote your book is not to imitate your dog but to in fact, be with your dog. If you brought your dog with you to a book signing or media appearance, you’ll probably get a more favorable response. Unless they like cats better.  

Brian Feinblum’s views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are his alone and not that of his employer, Media Connect, the nation’s largest book promoter. You can follow him on Twitter @theprexpert and email him at brianfeinblum@gmail.com. He feels more important when discussed in the third-person. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog © 2014