Tuesday, February 3, 2015
When Books Make Asses of Us
Looking for a good book to read, perhaps a subject not often covered by books? How about Big Spankable Asses or The Little Book of Butts?
No, it’s not the confessional of Kim Kardashian. In one of my waiting-for-the-train Google searches, I uncovered books relating to the derriere. Yes, the buttocks, the tushy, the bum, keister, rear end, fanny, heinie, cheeks, and squat rest (I coined that one).
Under such a search I uncovered titles you wouldn’t normally see, such as:
· The Big Butt Book 3D
· 199 Asses
But there are more books with “ass” in the title that are less about rumps and more about people who are just jerks. Behold these titles:
· The Masses Are Asses
· The Bible for Wise Asses
· Girls Don’t Make Passes at Boys With Fat Asses
· What The Ass Says
· Books and Butts
I’m sure there are books about jackasses that talk of mules – or those guys who do stupid stunts on television. There are books about butts, like the ones you smoke. And there are tombs dedicated to mean-behaving A-holes. The world is full of butts and buttheads.
As Valentine’s Day approaches and Fifty Shades of Grey jumps from the book page to the big screen, I’m sure we’ll hear more about curvaceous bottoms. Sports Illustrated will soon release its Swimsuit Issue, adding to discussions of butts and cracks.
I’m surprised there aren’t more books dedicated to our prized bottoms. Then again, many people have hang-ups about their butts. They think their ass is too big or not sexy. They think their bottom is smelly and gross and not worthy of focus. But our fashion industry focuses our eyes exactly on the ass – no butts about that!
Why aren’t there any superheroes or great fictional characters that revolve around the butt? How come a Pulitzer isn’t given for an ass-centric book? How come more books about your bottom don’t make it to the top? So if you’re looking to write about something so common, yet fascinating, look no further than your own seat cushion.
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