After
reading through Anguished English: An
Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language, by Richard Lederer, I
realized three things:
One,
our language gets bungled and bastardized daily, even by the media,
politicians, celebrities and those we think should know better.
Two,
in their defense, our language can be complex and filled with so many nuances
that it’s easy to misplace a comma or substitute a word that completely alters
a sentence’s meaning and purpose.
Three,
our miscues in writing and speaking the world’s most-used language are funny
and sometimes more powerful than the intended statement.
What’s
also interesting about this book which dates back to a publication date of three decades ago, is that it was
penned pre-Internet. Today there are
even more illiterate moments to grab at – all for the taking online, in full
display of billions of people.
Lederer,
a writer and English teacher, broke his book down into blunders and bloopers of
advertisements, newspaper headlines, student term papers, court proceedings, and
some famous people who said witty things while abusing the language.
Some
speech missteps could pose a real danger. Look at what one student wrote in
a term paper: “Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in
moderation.”
Here are some interesting signs and ads:
“Dinner
Special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.”
“For
Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady
with thick legs and large drawers.”
“Tired
of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.”
“We
do not tear your clothing with machinery.
We do it carefully by hand.”
“Dog
for sale: eats anything and is fond of
children.”
“Our
bikinis are exciting. They are simply
the tops.”
“Illiterate? Write today for free help.”
“Ladies
and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.”
“And
now, the Superstore – unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled
inconvenience.”
Lederer
notes of some historical and hysterical gaffes like the one made in a 1632
edition of the Good Book where it omitted one little word under the Seventh
Commandment: “Thou shalt commit adultery.”
He
quotes Sam Goldwyn, the legendary Hollywood movie producer with these gems:
“If
I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive!”
“When
I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”
Then,
of course, there’s Yankee Hall of Fame catcher Yogi Berra with his conflicted
ability to speak. I quote:
“Sometimes
you can observe a lot by watching.”
“It
ain’t over till it’s over.”
“A
nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
“No
wonder nobody comes here – it’s too crowded.”
And
when he was asked if he wanted his pizza pie cut into four or eight slices, he
remarked: “Better make it four. I don’t think I can eat eight pieces.”
Lederer
had some especially revealing examples of ads from these people:
A Maine
shop says: “Our motto is to give your customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship.”
In a
NY medical building: “Mental health prevention center.”
In a
maternity ward: “No children allowed.”
At a
loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.”
Outside
a country shop: We buy junk and sell
antiques.”
An
Oregonian general store window: “Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can
come here?”
Of
course, headlines from newspapers are great at playing on words – intentionally
or not - witness these:
“Deaf
mute gets new hearing in killing.”
“Women’s
Movement Called More Broad-Based.”
“Police
begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.”
“New
Autos to Hit 5 Million.”
“Two
convicts evade noose; jury hung.”
“Farmer
Bill Dies in House.”
“Lawyers
give poor free legal advice.”
“Reagan
Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead”
People
mix up metaphors or use malapropisms to give us big word abusage. Lederer tells
us where the art of misusing words stems from:
“When
people misuse words in an illiterate but numerous manner, we call the result a
malapropism (French, mal a propos - not appropriate). The term springs from the name of a character
in Richard Sheridan’s Comedy The Rivals, written in 1775, and has come
to stand for the kind of linguistic maladroitness exemplified in the statements
above.”
He says
the best malapropisms "are those that leap across the chasm of absurdity and
land on the side of truth.”
I
will leave you with a few malapropisms from Lederer:
“Life
begins at contraception.”
“He
suffered from unrequired love.”
“The
defendant pleaded exterminating circumstance.”
“This
movie is not for the screamish.”
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Brian Feinblum’s insightful views, provocative opinions, and interesting ideas expressed in this terrific blog are his alone and not that of his employer or anyone else. You can – and should -- follow him on Twitter @theprexpert and email him at brianfeinblum@gmail.com. He feels much more important when discussed in the third-person. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog ©2019. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he now resides in Westchester. His writings are often featured in The Writer and IBPA’s Independent. This was named one of the best book marketing blogs by Book Baby http://blog.bookbaby.com/2013/09/the-best-book-marketing-blogs and recognized by Feedspot in 2018 as one of the top book marketing blogs. Also named by WinningWriters.com as a "best resource.” He recently hosted a panel on book publicity for Book Expo America.
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