How Writers Deal With Bullies

 

 

Do writers get bullied? If so, how should they handle it? 

Certainly, young writers in school may have to deal with traditional bullies, some of whom can taunt, tease, threaten, and abuse their victims unmercifully. Bullying can lead to violent encounters, verbal abuse, psychological torture, and force a victim into withdrawal, suicide, or dropping out of school.  

Thanks to social media, bullying can continue beyond the school's walls, 24-7. In such cases, parents, teachers, and administrators, and law enforcement have to get involved and do what it takes to protect children.  

As a kid, I had some confrontations with bullies in Brooklyn. I varied my responses. I ran from some, avoided others, and as a last resort, fought or stood up to a few. Some of them even became friends. Luckily, I don’t feel traumatized from these experiences, but many do and others experienced far worse stuff.  

There’s no easy answer at a young age to deal with other children who probably lack good parents, could be bullied by others, and may even have some undiagnosed mental health issues. They’d benefit from anger management training. As a kid, you feel alone, going up against some tormenting giant with no safeguards in place to rescue you. The good news is that as an adult, you hopefully encounter far fewer bullies, and if you do, you find yourself better equipped to handle them.   

As a writer, we already can be hard on ourselves. Insecurities, fears, and a lack of confidence easily plague a lot of writers. They want to feel they are good enough to get published. They want praise and public recognition. They want to feel proud about their writings. But then they hear the voices of doubt.  

First, it comes from within. We naturally second-guess ourselves and fear that anyone who reads our stuff until we feel it’s perfect. We dream big dreams while still learning how to practice our craft. A moment of conflict, concern, or just a feeling of not being good enough nor of being good enough as good enough comes over us. We have to deal with our own demons.  

Second, it comes from people we ask feedback from: editors, teachers, and fellow writers. Some of these people can be too liberal with the red pen or they fail to soften and explain their edits, instead, just ripping into your work in a way that feels more critical and less instructive. Some of these people are just failed writers who bitterly bully you by snuffing out your dreams.  

Third, once you publish a book, you are exposed to getting negative customer reviews and bad professional reviews from paid critics. Keep in mind, some readers may not even like the writings of a Pulitzer Prize Winner. Writing is a personal preference, a taste. Just because a few readers resist your writings doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your book. The critics out there who make a living trashing others are not always correct or justifiable in their rants and ramblings. Screw them. Thicken your skin and determine if any criticism has validity and learn from it and the rest of their blather should be ignored and dismissed.   

Fourth, and this may be the toughest bully to rid yourself of, is family and friends -- the people in your life who matter to you but likely are unqualified to critique your writings. They may, out of jealousy or ignorance, say things that are not true or legitimate as it relates to your writing. Or, they may not criticize your writing so much, but rather they will bully you into subjugating your desire to write. They will encourage you to get a job or focus your time on things they deem to be more important or worthy. These dream-killers need to be tolerated, but not embraced. All that they do is present fear, doubt, insecurity, uncertainty, and weakness as fact. Your destiny as a writer shall not be molded by them. You have to believe in yourself and keep writing, obsessively and determinedly.   

Writers get a mixed bag of respect. Some people really appreciate a well-written story, essay, poem, article, or book. But many don’t value writers because many of them do not get rich writing. It gets seen as a hobby or a side hustle. When someone asks another what they hope to be when they grow up, they don’t expect to hear “Writer.” It’s treated like a person who says, astronaut. Both seem unrealistic to the listener.   

I’m here to tell you the bullies can go screw themselves. The naysayers, critics, and sadistic editors that are out there must be shunned in order for you to find your way. In the end, you may give up on writing, or acknowledge limitations of your talent, or short comings of the financial side to publishing, but that will come in due time, on your own terms and timeline. No one has the right nor responsibility to kill a dream.   

Dear writer, stand up to the bullies out there, even in your own household. And walk away from the fears that spray shadows of weakness around you. Just see the words in your mind and let them flow from your soul onto paper or screen. Write what you want to write, do your best to write it, and then regale in the freedom and choice to publish your work. 

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Brian Feinblum, the founder of this award-winning blog, with 3.6 million page views, can be reached at brianfeinblum@gmail.com  He is available to help authors promote their story, sell their book, and grow their brand. He has over 30 years of experience in successfully helping thousands of authors in all genres. Let him be your advocate, teacher, and motivator!

 

About Brian Feinblum

Brian Feinblum should be followed on www.linkedin.com/in/brianfeinblum. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog ©2024. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he now resides in Westchester with his wife, two kids, and Ferris, a black lab rescue dog, and El Chapo, a pug rescue dog. His writings are often featured in The Writer and IBPA’s The Independent.  This award-winning blog has generated over 3.8 million pageviews. With 4,900+ posts over the past dozen years, it was named one of the best book marketing blogs by BookBaby  http://blog.bookbaby.com/2013/09/the-best-book-marketing-blogs  and recognized by Feedspot in 2021 and 2018 as one of the top book marketing blogs. It was also named by www.WinningWriters.com as a "best resource.” For the past three decades, including 21 years as the head of marketing for the nation’s largest book publicity firm, and director of publicity positions at two independent presses, Brian has worked with many first-time, self-published, authors of all genres, right along with best-selling authors and celebrities such as: Dr. Ruth, Mark Victor Hansen, Joseph Finder, Katherine Spurway, Neil Rackham, Harvey Mackay, Ken Blanchard, Stephen Covey, Warren Adler, Cindy Adams, Todd Duncan, Susan RoAne, John C. Maxwell, Jeff Foxworthy, Seth Godin, and Henry Winkler. He hosted a panel on book publicity for Book Expo America several years ago, and has spoken at ASJA, Independent Book Publishers Association Sarah Lawrence College, Nonfiction Writers Association, Cape Cod Writers Association, Willamette (Portland) Writers Association, APEX, Morgan James Publishing, and Connecticut Authors and Publishers Association. His letters-to-the-editor have been published in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, New York Post, NY Daily News, Newsday, The Journal News (Westchester) and The Washington Post. His first published book was The Florida homeowner, Condo, & Co-Op Association Handbook.  It was featured in The Sun Sentinel and Miami Herald.