1. What inspired you to write this book? After the sudden death
of my daughter, I found myself standing in my living room wondering how I would
survive her death and concluding that I would not indeed survive it as I was. I
would need to purge, to tell the story that was within me and hope to emerge a
different person. One that would help me survive. Writing stories and poetry is an inherited family curse,
the need to write in all my family and passed to my own children. My daughter
Aoife had often told me to ‘write the damn book mom’, so that's what I did.
Each night when the house slept, I crept to the living room and wrote, never
reading back, never editing, just purging. I found the origins of my own darkness and came to accept
myself ‘warts and all’. I wrote as if no one would ever read the words,
what emerged was grief in its undiluted form, raw, authentic and an honest
account of human suffering in the early days of grief.
2. What exactly is it about – and who is it written for? The book is about 3
decades of my life, the birth of my youngest daughter with a terminal illness
and her death, the effect it had on our family and my battle with every human
who stood in my path. Mercy did not tamper my rage. Living in poverty and raising
4 children on my own I learned the skills I desperately needed in my school
education. Unfortunately, 1980’s catholic school does not teach how to feed
your children on very little money.
I learned,
I thrived, and I failed, over and over. The theme of surviving weaving in and
out of our lives. I was a force, I wore an invisible cloak of ‘don't mess with
me’, and it could be sensed in my every interaction. I was truly terrifying to
deal with.
Then came
love, soft enduring love, it softened me and bought peace. When a second child
died, I was crushed, sat on the brink of madness and sometimes toppling
over.
This book
is for the person who is sitting by the fire in the middle of the night,
thinking about ending their life, wondering how they can go on without their
loved one. It is for the mother without her child, I hope this book finds you
and gives you some comfort, some tools to get through the next few hours, maybe
hope that you can survive and find peace again. It is best served with a mug of hot sweet tea and a warm
blanket.
3. What do you hope readers will get out of reading your
book? Hope?
I hope you never experience the need to read the words of how to cope after the
death of your child. I hope you never have the endless longing to find peace, I
hope should it happen to you, and honesty why not you, that you find you are
not alone. I hope you understand that there are generations of DNA in your body
that has coped and survived, and you can too. If you want too. I hope you live.
4. How did you decide on the books title and cover design? When my youngest was
born and named the midwife asked if I had a navy connection, all my children
were named in order after the Irish navy vessels. Aoife, Emer, Ciara and
Aisling. It was a complete fluke, unplanned. It prompted a story I would tell them in times of great
poverty of four ships that sailed around the world bringing toys and foods and
jewels to all the children. It was an easy decision on the title. The cover was designed by
Julia Bowen, she came to visit one weekend and stayed. She is my daughter's
partner, and they live happily in my attic. Julia is an art major and after
reading the book was inspired to create the cover.
5. What advice or words of wisdom do you have for fellow
writers – other then run!? Write like no one will ever read it. This way your
authentic self-shines through. If its fiction your character will show their
true selves without fear of others opinion or judgement. Some books are labored in
agony others born Slippy and healthy, crying to be read and loved. If you don't
write it, how will you ever know! Send your work out into the world. There are no new
stories, only your unique experience that breathes life into your work.
Creating is a gift, use it, share it and I promise great things will happen.
6. Were there experiences in your personal life or career
that came in handy when writing this book? My desire to not settle for less and reaping the
consequences when I often did. I cringe when I look back at my younger self, a
top ten of failed relationships and bad decisions, but oh, I miss her
sometimes. She was fiery, stunningly beautiful and full of life. She jumped
into the rabbit hole, never looking for danger, loving the trill of life. She
learned every lesson the hard way. She was funny and cruel with a cow's lick in
the front of her long hair. She challenged every authority figure and had no
qualms about walking away, never worried how she would pay next month's rent.
Her self-confidence was made of bedrock, impenetrable. Then life knocked her
down, again and again. Trauma and catastrophic loss dulled her fire and streaked
grey in her red hair. Now at the age of 53 I look back at my younger self and I
love her so. I became the women I always wanted her to be. She is me and I am
her.
7. How would you describe your writing style? Which writers
or books is your writing similar too? As an Irish person Seamus Heany has a quality that
resonates with me, I love Emily Dickinson, Patrick Kavanagh and most spoken
word poetry. My early reading was my father's library of self-help books and
spirituality. My all-time favorite book is ‘The Stand’ by Steven King, my
copy is old, and dog eared and has survived many moves. I would read my
mother's Catherine Cookson books and the funny pages of the Sunday papers. I
always loved words, how they weave a picture, what they teach. Books are my
first love. I don't know which author my style is akin too. I write in the
first person, honing in on the characters flaws. If I could sit opposite any of
my characters I'm sure they would give me a wry look of disbelief of what I
made them go through.
8. How do you feel your book compares to others in your
genre? People
experience grief in different ways, all that you read about it is true. Other
writers tell their own unique story, what helped them, who helped them, we are
all in the same boat recounting the same trauma. It is one of those losses that
can't be compared. My book deals with universal themes where our human experience
dictates the ending. My ending is I know I will live a long life, I have too.
Even when the dark night visits and tells me I've had enough. It is in me to
live. I endure with moments of peace. Maybe my book is different in how I talk about the lasting
effect of trauma, there is no relief, only learning to live again as a
different person.
9. What challenges did you overcome in the writing of this
book? The
short answer is my ego. I learnt to face my mistakes and decisions that
effected my children's lives. I learnt to say sorry and mean it. Without a doubt some coping
methods we use in the early days of grief can take hold, I would shop online,
smoke heavily and drink toxic amounts of coffee. This trio was detrimental to
my pocket and my health. I guess I overcame those addictions. In the daytime of writing the
book my gaping mouth screamed at the heavens demanding her return and at every
human being that asked me how I was. It should be noted that if you continue
down this route you will end up sitting across from your local doctor being
prescribed medication. I take my medication every day, holistic therapy was not
going to stop the madness from taking over. There is no shame is needing
anti-depressants, just remember to take them every day. The therapies can help
when the will to live is embedded again.
10. If people can buy or read one book this week or month,
why should it be yours? I am still amazed that anyone would want to put themselves
through reading my book. It's not an easy read; it will challenge your emotions
and any happy thoughts for quite a while after. The book is about raw grief, and
you need a strong stomach to handle its contents. This is why I advise tea and
a blanket if you do decide to read it. I wish well reader and thank you for the opportunity.
Author Bio: Tanya lives in a small town in
County Kilkenny Ireland. As an Irish woman she is prone to lamenting the
weather and the price of cup of coffee. Tanya’s debut book was written
during a dark night of the soul after her eldest daughter died suddenly.
With two dead children she decided to write down the stories she had told for
decades and in doing so created a piece of work that became a gateway from
grief to peace.
Tanya lives with her trophy husband Brendan and their
daughter Olivia; they are the guardians of the remains of her heart. Please see this for more info: www.Tanyamullins.ampbk.com
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