“Do
you have a rewards card?” asked the young lady at the Staples cash register.
I
searched for a card and then gave up. I
blurted out a telephone number. At least
she didn’t make me type it into the keypad or give a passcode that I would
not have remembered.
“I
have a coupon,” I told her. I showed her on my phone two coupons. She scanned them. Luckily they weren’t outdated and there were
no stipulations against their dual usage -- otherwise I’d have to lobby to figure
out how to get them to count both towards this purchase.
I
also didn’t have any returns but my son brought in three used cartridges. They give you a credit of $2 each for them.
“Did
you take off $6 for the returned cartridges?”
I asked. She explained that she didn’t, but that I’d be emailed a coupon or some points to my rewards card in a
few weeks. That’ll probably be the one
thing my spam filter holds onto or that I accidentally delete while going
through my multi-daily phone gymnastics of deleting clusters of offers and
marketing emails.
“Can
you price-check this?” my son chirped up.
He
already downloaded some price-checking app to my phone where you can scan a barcode and find it cheaper somewhere else online.
But like most cool things, it wasn’t perfect and showed things that
didn’t qualify. If we find an item
cheaper elsewhere, from one of their designated competitors, we save the
difference plus another 10% of that difference.
We
thought we found something for less than half of Staples’ listed price but it
turned out it was a refurbished version of the item. We eventually bought a slightly different
item and found that online for ten dollars less.
She
needed to call her manager over to verify this.
I
kid you not, this is how I spent 30 minutes to buy an ink cartridge. It’s not the exception but the norm. The transaction time on a purchase these days
takes a lot longer than it used to. It’s
torture.
When
I went to pay, I inserted my card because swiping is no longer accepted. The
stupid chip thing adds two minutes to every transaction. In this case, something didn’t take and the
purchase failed to register. Poof,
another two minutes out of my life so the store can prevent credit card
fraud. The truth is, it prevents
nothing.
There’s
no chip to insert when I do an online purchase is there? If I stole a credit card,
whether I swipe it or insert a card, it still works, right? When I call to order something with a credit
card, I can’t give them a chip, now can I?
If people steal my identity and order up credit cards with chips in
them, does it matter? No.
Maybe
stores should worry about stupid and lazy employees teaming up with savvy but
frustrated customers.
A
few days prior to my marathon ink purchase I went to buy two items for my kids
at Staples. We price-checked one item and saved half the price. On another
item, we made up a price and they didn’t question it or demand proof. What retailed for $18.99 came up via our lie
for $1.76. Yes, the clerk didn’t
question how we got over 90% off. He
just wanted to go home. And I felt owed
for all of the crap they put me through just to process a transaction.
I
explained to my kids that what I did wasn’t right and is not to be
duplicated. I wanted to point out that
this is what happens when employees aren’t trained right or lose pride in their
work. But it’s also what happens when
consumers tire of the rewards-coupons-price check-chip dance that makes
shopping a dull and tortured experience.
At
the end of every transaction, the experience of shopping continues beyond that
purchase.
Sometimes
stores invite you to come back with new coupons printed on your receipt. Others encourage you to go online to fill out
a survey about your experience, lured by a free something or future discount.
I
don’t know what to make up of the shopping life. I can’t be bothered to research coupons or
rushed to buy by a certain date. If I use
technology to track things down, it’s not perfect and it’s time-consuming. If I try to skip going to a store, I miss out
on seeing and touching and trying things out. If I order online, I have to
track what packages are coming, make sure I don’t get the wrong or damaged
item, and then be bothered making returns and following up with credits to
statements on credit cards that I could stop using.
Just
writing about this drains me. I know
it’s a first-world problem and I should just shut up. But this is my life. I’m not rich enough to just pay others to
deal with this bullshit and not poor enough that I don’t get to buy things, and
as a result not have to deal with this.
The
phrase, shop till you drop, to me, takes on a whole new meaning now.
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