Monday, September 9, 2019
Interview with a Provocative Author On Relationships
New Book Shows Women: How To Get What You Want From Your Man
Phoenix, Arizona --- Are women high maintenance, moody, needy, manipulative gold-diggers?
Are men selfish, controlling, not helpful at home, always looking to fix a problem rather than lend emotional support, and only interested in sex and not love?
With these stereotypes circling the homes of millions of couples and marriages, no wonder why the gender wars get in the way of men and women sustaining a loving, happy long-term relationship.
All too often, people wake up one day and ask: Who am I now? What happened to my marriage? Where did my dreams go? However, you can still make a major change to turn things around. It’s not too late.
On her fourth marriage, debut author Shirley Baldwin ( has seen first-hand what destroys once-loving couples and turns them into angry, cold, and confused soloists. In a controversial but promising new book, Get What You Want from Your Man: A Guide to Creating the Relationship You Desire. (Morgan James Publishing), readers are treated to insights, strategies, and tools that will help them get what they want and need from their man -- by giving him all that he needs and wants.
Certified life coach Shirley Baldwin reveals the secrets of how men think, what they truly want in a relationship, and what makes them want to give everything of themselves to a woman. Your relationship will never be the same!
Addressing the common issues in relationships, Shirley helps women realize that by understanding the needs of their man, changing their perspective, and shifting how they act in the relationship, they have the power to create whatever they want. Get What You Want from Your Man is written by a woman, for women, yet includes both men’s and women’s perspectives to help women of all ages and stages of a relationship.
Shirley helps create a permanent change in how women see and relate to their man, so they can get way more from him than ever thought possible. This is all accomplished without encouraging manipulation, head games, or women losing themselves in the process of creating the relationship of their dreams.
“When you change your perspective, you change your reality,” says Shirley, “and you have the power to create anything you want in your relationships.
“Shift the blame of a lackluster relationship and empower yourself to look within for the answers to a better, fulfilling relationship.”
Here is a Q & A with the insightful author:
1. Shirley, what inspired you to write an insightful and provocative book, Get What You Want from Your Man? I had a crazy story growing up. Went through a lot of stuff. I learned how to get past the obstacles created through my trials. I wanted to help others do the same. I’ve been told for years from most everyone I meet, that I should write a book. One day I decided to do it!
2. You are a newlywed, but let’s clarify. You are on your fourth marriage. Should we be taking advice from someone with three divorces on her resume? Just like anything else in life, if you fail, try try again. I failed…a few times. I learned from those failures. I figured out how to not fail again. Why wouldn’t I be the best person for the job? I often think of my daughter, who is a collegiate gymnast. She fell off the high bar, vault, beam, floor, so many times. She continued to fall and try again so many times that she got really good at it. Good enough to get a full ride, D1 scholarship. If someone wants to know about gymnastics, would they go to someone who has never learned how to get over the hard parts, or someone who knows several ways to get past them? I’ve paved a path that makes it easier to attain.
3. The core message of your book centers around the idea that men and women must understand, accept, and even embrace their gender differences in order to get along in a relationship. Why? We may not ever completely understand each other. I mean, we are practically a different species. But having some basic understanding and knowledge of how the other works, helps a ton. Embracing the fact that it’s ok to be different, that we can still have joy and bliss, and even more so because of our differences, is such a great awareness to have. Having an acceptance of each other, opens up a huge space to love and enjoy each other on a different level.
4. What are some mistakes couples tend to make? Getting caught up in what the other is doing, instead of focusing on doing their part, trying to control the other, looking for the negatives instead of looking for the positives, thinking that the outside world is better than what they have inside their world (grass is greener syndrome), role switching (man wears feminine mask, woman wears masculine mask), not enough sex, haven’t learned how to fight fairly, not communicating their needs, or just not communicating period, I could go on and on….
5. How can couples work around – or avoid – the typical things that often doom a marriage – poor communication, lack of sex, constant arguing? Stop! Consider the other’s perspective and seek to understand it. Think about what it must be like for someone to be in a relationship with you. Talk, listen, touch, make time for each other, put down the social media, and stop listening to the world. Start each day with an intention instead of just allowing each day to happen to you. Live with integrity, truth, honor, respect, love. Quit trying to win. Instead, seek to find a win/win resolution, and quit trying to be right……
6. You and your husband, Jeff, agree to have rules when arguing. What are they and how do they help keep the peace? Some of our rules are: we touch while arguing, allowing the other’s perspective to be heard; not allowed to threaten to quit or leave; we say things like “what I’m hearing is…and allow the other to say “what I’m saying is…” A lot gets lost in translation when emotions are involved. We don’t call each other names, ever — it’s hard to take back words. We try to resolve on a win/win note, and always express our love and gratitude for each other afterwards, especially for our individual willingness to have a productive argument. And sometimes we simply agree to disagree. We both take accountability for our part in whatever created the argument. We also don’t argue in front of kids or others.
7. In your book you suggest women should have sex with their husbands more often and to not see it as a chore. Why? Intimacy is a gift. Something that can heal, bond, settle an argument, create growth, merge two people together in a way nothing else can. Consider the possibility of what you could create as a women by joining in, creating with, enjoying just as much, with your man. Sex is often used as a negotiation tool, as a punishment. This is destructive to the relationship, 100% of the time. I believe that when a woman can freely give herself to her man, he will give back. Obviously I always have to put in a disclaimer because not all men or women are in a healthy place to do this. But no happy, healthy, relationship is complete without it.
8. Some of your relationships were with controlling, abusive, or manipulative men. How should women deal with such guys? First of all she needs to deal with herself. My allowing those kind of relationships came from a place within myself that wasn’t healthy. Being in integrity with yourself, creating healthy, strong boundaries, and knowing what you want will help tremendously. However, some will still find themselves in a toxic relationship. Learning how to navigate these, comes with learning how to stay true to oneself, it won’t be something tolerated when you’re in that place. Sometimes it may take some outside help to gain the words and strength to get out of it. And still other times, it may not be what they think it is and a change can be created within that relationship.
9. How do you help women see themselves differently, which in turn helps them see their men differently? It all starts with an awareness, awareness of who they are, what’s their story, what do they want, how have they go about getting it, has it worked, what fills them, what empties them, are they open to exploring other ways of being, and learning how to navigate individual situations. There are so many personal variables. I focus on their strengths, building confidence, teaching them to be in complete alignment and integrity with themselves. Once we create awareness and intention, then we move towards creating the relationship they desire.
10. Are we too negative in our thinking when it comes to the one we are in a relationship with? Absolutely. We are the hardest on the ones we love. It’s way easier to pick out what they are doing wrong than to look within ourselves to see how we may be creating that. If it bugs us, its usually about us. We are also given a fairytale expectation of what our partner should be like, and life really isn’t like that. But the cool thing is that we can have a beautifully positive relationship, if it is our intention, even among our trials. It’s just a matter of being aware of our thoughts and exchanging negative ones for positive ones. I’m obsessed with my hubby and I love how it feels, so I just keep on being obsessed.
11. Women are fighting for equal rights, equal treatment, and a seat at the table. But does that movement also confuse things or interfere with how women see their role in a marriage? Feminism is masculine, period. It is destroying the balance of male and female. With women wanting equal rights, fighting all the time for it, wanting to be treated the same as men, it’s creating a world where men are becoming less masculine and moving toward feminine energy. There has to be a balance. Two of the same energies can’t live harmoniously in the same space, so roles get switched. There cannot be happiness in a place of imbalance. Woman are powerful, beautiful creatures. We don’t need to be like men. We are special in our own right and we have strengths that men do not have. So yes, it’s creating all kinds of chaos in marriages and in our future generations.
12. Do you believe a woman’s place is a housewife or to somehow not live out her full potential? Yes and no. If a woman chooses to be married and have children, then I think there’s a place and time when she would benefit most by being at home, if it is possible. Do I think she shouldn’t live out her potential? No. But what does that mean? Potential isn’t always working outside of the home, competing with men, being what the world sees as powerful. I feel I’m living towards my potential. It started by me raising some beautiful humans. If we choose to have them, then is it our potential to give them to someone else to rear? Could it be that after those years of rearing kids, we can then move on with a greater wisdom to continue to progress in our knowledge and skills?
Note: Shirley is being promoted by the PR firm that I work for.