Lyah!
Lyah! Pants on Fyah!
1. What inspired you to write your book?
One in
four girls, reportedly, are impacted by child sexual abuse. These stats are representative only of those incidences that have been reported.
This type
of abuse is kept secret while the family behaves as though ‘nothing happened.’
All the while, the victim is blamed, and shamed, and made to feel as though she
is at fault. She is made to feel as though she is worthless. At best, she is
told to move on or put it behind her. The victim is often unaware that she has
suffered a soul wound. Myriad poor life choices and decisions are made based on
this festering wounded-ness, including choosing inappropriate life partners who
further abuse her emotionally, physically and even sexually. Once she has
children of her own, the woman further models codependent behavior to her
children. Because the victim does not link low self-esteem, toxic shame and
self-hate to the initial childhood sexual abuse, she continually makes
inappropriate life choices despite appearing to be a social and career rock
star.
And so the
cycle begins…
I
determined that there was a need for a sacred place where honest conversations
could be had, so I developed healing workshops that have impacted numerous
women over the years. It is as a result of these workshops that I stumbled upon
the idea of writing a book. Yes. This is how the book was birthed.
2. What is it about?
LYAH! LYAH! PANTS ON FYAH! shares stories of survivors, including myself, and demonstrates, in
harrowing detail at times, the far-reaching impact these heinous acts have on
women’s self-esteem. In many cases, the impact is inter-generational.
The first
couple of chapters of my book introduce the complex subject of toxic shame by
sharing the stories of several child sexual abuse survivors. It’s the actual
telling of the story that initiates healing. The middle portion shares some of
the tools that I’ve used, and continue to use, for sacred healing. The third
section of the book delineates the lies that women unconsciously subscribe to,
that inhibit their ability to live life to the fullest, hence the name, LYAH! LYAH! PANTS ON FYAH!
Here are
five key messages or talking points:
1.
My history is not my destiny.
2.
I am Born to Thrive.
3.
Yep. I did it and so can you.
4.
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by
it.
5.
I am the master of my fate.
3. What do you hope will be the everlasting
thoughts for readers who finish your book?
I hope
that the reader comes away with the importance of the family unit and its
impact on mental health and self-esteem. We need to value our most precious
commodity – children – girls and
boys. Treat them as the wonderful gifts
that they are. Nurture and respect them
within the family unit and build healthy self-esteem. This will ensure a better
tomorrow. Lyah! Lyah! Pants on Fyah! is
a just a teeny drop in the ocean towards soul healing. I say, “Let the healing
begin.”
4. What
advice do you have for writers?
Process:
My advice
would be that it is important to create what I call a writing space/place and
pencil in a definite time for writing in order for the words to flow. I think
that this coaxes the brain and stimulates the creative juices, since life can
derail the writing process– at times. It is important to prepare for moments
when writing seems arduous and develop the coping skills necessary for that
reality.
Keep a
notepad or recording device at your bedside for the elusive, magical ideas that
float about, at around 2 a.m. Take a break, if necessary, but not for too long.
Meditate, relax, pray and focus on the task at hand.
And, of
course, build a network of supportive friends and loved ones who can cheer you
on when you feel defeated.
Publishing:
Research
whom you wish your publisher to be carefully, or self-publish. But don’t obsess
on the publishing aspect until after you have written the book, otherwise, this
may stump your ability to complete the book or scare you to death. And be
prepared to spend a little more money that you planned for a good publisher,
for sure.
5. Where do you think the book publishing
industry is heading?
I am no
expert but it seems to me that there has never been a better time for indie
ebook authors, like myself, to publish. Self-publishing has definitely taken on
a new meaning. Never in history have so many tools been available for
self-publishing.
6. What challenges did you have in writing
your book?
Personally,
my biggest challenge was gaining momentum on the project. Life happens, you
know! There were days and weeks where I lost my mojo, so to speak. I had to
drag myself to the laptop and soldier on.
All in all, it has been one of the
most rewarding experiences in my life.
7. If people can only buy one book this month,
why should it be yours?
I am
painfully aware that the issues of women’s and children’s rights, especially
girls, are controversial topics. I also know that for some, this subject matter
is not only taboo, but painful to read. Lyah!
Lyah! Pants on Fyah! is meant to be a prelude to the conversation on
healing and toxic shame.
Lyah! Lyah! Pants on Fyah! may be different, in that, it presents stories from women, other than
myself, thus allowing the reader to grasp the depth and breadth of the impact
of child sexual abuse. At least, that’s my hope.
The
chapters about lies can be very empowering for every woman and certainly for
all victims of child sexual abuse. If the stats are correct, and I believe that
they are, many husbands, brothers, grandfathers and uncles need to be exposed
to how deeply wounded women in their lives may be. In fact, men may find
healing for themselves. This book may
shed light on some negative mannerisms and behaviors and bring a level of
compassion to how men and women relate to each other. Awareness, compassion,
and conversation can go a long way toward healing families and communities.
Most
importantly, the tools presented in the book are applicable towards spiritual
healing, regardless of whether the reader has survived child sexual abuse or
not.
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