The world has a pretty good record of the written
word. The Library of Congress stores
over 150,000,000 items, including tens of millions of books. But what about the words that are written,
but never published? Or the words that
are written and erased or crossed out, created at one time but then no trace of
their existence is left behind?
Maybe I shouldn’t obsess over the
never-published or written but unsaved.
There are more than enough books available to the public that will go
unread, ignored, or untouched. Besides,
the thinking might go, if something is good enough, it’ll remain on paper and
it will get published. But we know the
book world and human spirit don’t work that way.
Plenty of great books go unpublished. For the writer failed to get a literary agent or
publisher and decides against self-publishing, what happens to that work? Where do those words, thoughts, ideas and
experiences go once released by the writer but not made available to the
public, a sort of book purgatory?
Writers often write something and then
change their mind about keeping it. With the click of a mouse, they wipe out any
evidence of thought, deleting their creation in a split second. Is there any sense of loss or feeling of
regret to go with disappearing one’s creation?
The editing stage is always the hardest
for writers. They are attached to what
they wrote and it becomes painstaking to review everything they wrote. After a few readings, nothing seems good
enough or worthy of leaving intact. Or
worse, they fall in love with every word and can’t divorce themselves from any
of them.
I often write with little editing or a
changing of heart as to what blurted out of me.
I try to think logically, and at times emotionally, driven by my
convictions and a desire to share my feelings, insights, and experiences,
hoping to help others as I empty out onto a page the way one confesses a crime
or absolves themselves of guilt to a therapist.
That which yields no written words
seems like a wasted moment for the writer.
Words written, but then deleted on the spot or edited out later pain the writer. And when words make it all
the way through the process of a writer suffering life, thinking poetically, creatively
penning the words, courageously letting them live once composed, and warding off the
executioner’s, er, editor’s blade, all that is left is to be published. But how
many millions of books, encompassing trillions of words, died in the process?
The graveyard of the unpublished, even the
unwritten, resides in the soul of every author and would-be writer. Some people die a little every day when their
words go unpublished.
Should a writer survive all that opposes
him from writing and publishing a book, how many writers get to experience
their books being widely read, where their words influence another, change a
life, and make a difference? Or where
they receive critical acclaim, awards, and wealth from their writings? And how many do all of these things can escape
living a life of angst, depression, or loneliness, for the writer is a special
breed, part-artist, part-victim of the world, here to record the trauma and at
times, the wonderful victories that the human experience offers us.
I don’t want to ramble here, but I’m
afraid it’s too late. I’ve invested
myself in free thinking and pontificating on the life of a writer’s words and I
won’t edit s or take any of it back.
I’ve birthed it and the words will need to swim on their own, even
against the current. God, I love
writing, and once I write something, I feel like I’ve already left my mark on
the world. My legacy is wrapped up in my
words. No one cares what I do, how I
feel, or where I go – except for a few friends and family – but I find whatever
is written down takes on greater importance.
The words can live forever, while my life is but a blink of time. I live
more than ever when I write.
Thank you for reading this and giving my
soul shape, form, and meaning. I live to
write – and I exist only on paper.
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