New
Book By a Doctor Of 40 Years Shows Men How To Live A Healthier and More Satisfying
Life
Men
don’t live as long as women but they run most Fortune 500 companies. Men are
far more likely to go to prison and women are often the object of sexual harassment. No doubt, there are many physiological and
psychological differences between men and women – and different social
expectations and perceptions have been placed on them, sometimes by them. When
it comes to men, circa 2015, who is lobbying for their needs and looking after
their health and well-being?
Jeffrey Rabuffo, MD, FACS, a recently retired
urologist who estimates he has helped over 100,000 male patients over the last
40 years, has stepped up to be an advocate for men. He discusses important
subjects that he feels are neglected or misconstrued by the media and public at
large, including men’s health, relationships, parenting, and overall lifestyle
in a new, provocative book, Dr. Jeff’s The Life of Men: Love, Sex, Myth,
Medicine…and Political Correctness.
I have the honor of working with the author
to promote his book for the public relations firm that I work for. His book is
eye-opening.
“After
many decades of practice as a urologist it became very apparent that men don't
have the support and education they need to be knowledgeable about men's health,”
says Dr. Rabuffo. “Many people think that men have no interest in caring for
themselves, but my experience taught me that most of the time, they just don't
have the knowledge. During my practice years, I spent hours talking to men and
more importantly listening to them. Men have a lot to say about what they think
and about what society thinks of them. I think they just lack a vehicle to
express themselves. So I have undertaken this venture to provide education and
guidance to men. Not just about their health, not just about prostate cancer,
but about the issues of life that apply to men.”
His
book is an in-depth narrative about men – who they are and what makes them who
and why they are. He hopes that men will start to make better informed
healthcare and life choices as a result. Call it a male-empowerment movement.
“I
am focusing on the quality of men’s lives,” says Dr. Rabuffo. “I am doing this
because I noticed that men don’t get the attention and education that they need
to care for themselves and their families. Men are protectors and providers and
for understandable reasons they take care of their families but rarely think
about themselves.”
Dr. Rabuffo
tackles these timely, emotionally- and politically-charged topics:
·
Why
men’s prostate cancer and diseases deserve the same level of funding and
attention as women’s breast cancer.
·
Why
men must take control of their health and well-being - -and how to do so.
·
What
really makes men men – it’s not what you think – it is not just sex.
·
What
men really need and want from their relationships.
·
How
men truly perceive and interpret the world.
·
How
culture wars are destroying boys.
·
The
weakening and strengthening of father-son relationships today.
·
The
war on men – and the wussification of society.
·
The
cultural myths that eat at us, such as the expendability of men.
·
The
business of medicine and why the system is sick.
One
of his book’s sections, The Doctor Is Out,
shows the major ramifications of the state medicine is in. He examines what
“managed care” actually means – including the difference between healthcare and
health insurance, the struggle between patient-centric care and date- or
matrix-centric management. He looks at what is driving medicine – science,
insurance, lawsuits, profits, politics and bureaucracy. “The business of
medicine has produced a medical-industrial complex, Big Pharma, big
corporations, and an American apparatchik bureaucracy which is being augmented
by new governmental overlays,’ says Dr. Rabuffo. “Is this the best we can do?
It seems to me that the shortsightedness of policymakers, pundits, and the
press create a public ambiance absent of projected, long-term ramifications.”
Dr.
Jeff’s The Life of Men also addresses
these topics:
·
Why
men are so misunderstood and how masculinity is under siege.
·
The
unspoken roles women play that lead men to cheat on them.
·
6
ways men can seduce their wives to have more sex with them.
·
Why
men need to organize, speak up, and advocate for their needs.
·
An
exploration of the role humor, tears, and bullying play in the lives of men.
·
The
burdens and challenges men face as their traditional role is turned upside down.
“My
goal here is to explore the realities and complexities of the life of men,”
concludes Dr. Rabuffo. “I do not want to act like the woman putting the man
down, and I don’t want to be the whining man crying, ‘I need help. What are you
going to do for me?’ The genders should be allies, not adversaries. This book
is not an attack on women or the women’s movement. We should be asking, ‘What
are we, men and women, going to do about it?’ Let’s first recognize the
situations; then form plans for what can and should be. We need a “Testosterone
Movement.”
Here
is an interview with Dr. Rabuffo:
1.
Are men simply
misunderstood by society? Men are definitely
misunderstood by society. Most of society tends to view men as uncaring and
macho, only thinking about sex and acting like a warrior. Men are really sensitive
creatures who can express tenderness. In TV and movies, men are frequently
portrayed as idiots, incapable of functioning in a normal world. They can’t mop
floors, do dishes or do laundry, and they can only go food shopping with a list
created by a woman. Just watch an episode of the show Family Guy to see how men are being depicted by the media. Men are
usually characterized as very strong, protective individuals, which is a
reasonable view of men. However, men are also stereotyped as being socially
challenged; having no manners and never wanting to get dressed up to go out.
This is not an accurate representation of men.
2.
Why does the cover
of your book say, “The book no woman should be allowed to read?” This is really a
marketing tool used to employ reverse psychology. We are actually hoping that
women will be piqued by this and want to read the book. They need to read it,
in fact, women play a vital role in how men are viewed, and in turn, how men
see themselves.
3.
Is there a
mythology about men that hurts them? Absolutely. Men are completely different
from women. Men have different skills and brain activities, but rather than
seeing these differences as differences, society tends to view male
characteristics as inferior to female. Women definitely are the gentler people,
but this is a reflection of their genetic and hormonal makeup. If you do not
recognize that men are programmed differently than women, then you will see men
as bumbling clots.
4.
Do men need to
organize to pursue their rights like women have? Women are
definitely organized. They like to hang out with one another. Talking to each
other is one of their favorite activities. Women tend to spend time together in
this groupthink that has led to fostering women’s thinking. This is a terrific
advantage women have. Men on the other hand tend to be more solo, spending less
time in clubs and organizations that promote themselves.
5.
Why has the role of
men been diminished? I
think this is an outgrowth of the women’s rights movement. A while ago, women
were not considered equal to men and the women’s rights movement created the
idea the women are created equal. I think it started with women’s suffrage. The
birth control pill has given women tremendous freedom. As a result, they are
now able to pursue just about any job they would like. I think the rise of the
women’s rights movement has led to the development of a subgroup of women who
believe that women are superior to men, resulting in the inferiority of men.
It’s almost as if women are insecure and need to downgrade men in order to feel
more secure.
6.
How are men
viewed? We are in a time of change in the cultural
definition of masculinity, a period in which maleness is being projected as no
longer acceptable. When men or boys were
projected as strong, independent, and responsible citizens, their behavior
tended to emulate those characteristics.
If men are now shown as powerless, foolish, careless clods those
characteristics too will be copied, won’t they?
Of course there are many factors influencing each individual, yet the
more we portray men as bumblers and incompetents, the more bumbling and
incompetence we should expect to see. If
men internalize these skewed and altered images of themselves, their self-image
changes; consequently their behavior reflects the change. They become the studio gofer.
7.
Do you think there’s
a cultural war against boys? Yes, I think there is, but I don’t think
it’s a defined war, I think it’s a cultural idea, more like folklore. Boys are
very different than girls, and I think the difference is not recognized as
good. I think boys are a lot more active and energetic and they have a constant
war going on between their amygdala and the frontal cortex. This gives society
the idea that they are uncontrollable creatures. So they need to be corralled
so they can function better in school society, which is mostly run by women. The
drugs that are used to control boys are reprehensible, but some people feel if they
can calm them down (i.e. sedate them) and they will study better and get better
grades and make the school look good that it is a good thing.
8.
How is medical
care failing men today? Men don’t get the attention and support they need. I
always use prostate cancer as an example. The incidence and death rate of
prostate cancer and breast cancer is very similar. The research money for
breast cancer is double that of prostate cancer. Some of the statistics
regarding mammograms are very similar to the statistics regarding PSA and
biopsies. The common thread even though the statistics are similar, is that
breast cancer is a lethal disease and prostate is not. Therefore, the thinking
goes, prostate cancer should not be attended to, because after all, people
think men will not die from it. If you believe that then how can you explain
30,000 men that die from prostate cancer annually? To make a better point,
there are women’s health segments in hospitals and insurance health insurance.
Men’s health and healthcare doesn’t really exist.
9.
Why is masculinity
a disease? I
go back to the difference between the sexes. The differences are biologically
determined. We have chemical messengers that direct us into different directions.
However, for many reasons men are not seen as men, but as an aberration. The
male gender is different; there is a developed prejudice that men are lesser
beings. So if you take a normal male who is aggressive, active and can’t sit
still in school, the idea seems to be not to recognize his boyhood, but to
medicate him and try to control his behavior so that it would be more feminine,
i.e. more thoughtful, more tender, better behaved. I think some people see
masculinity as something that needs to be cured.
10. What hardships do men face? I think the major
hardship that men face is that society does not recognize them as men. Take for
example, what we all refer to as “the affair.” When a celebrity or prominent
military man is discovered to have an affair it appears that his character is
dissected in the media. I think this is because most men are viewed as only
wanting sex and not really capable of loving somebody. But the truth is that
men have a need for intimacy and closeness just like women do. The problem is
they express that through sex. Whenever I see a news story about “infidelity,”
I often wonder what the woman’s role was in that relationship. Women are
usually viewed as the victim. You rarely hear both sides of the story.
11. How do they cope with them? I think men tend
to keep their feelings to themselves. So I think they hide from the societal
issues. Sometimes to confront these issues would be to confront the woman. That
is not politically correct behavior. It is not manly to admit that your
feelings are hurt, or that you have something that bothers you. Men have been
trained to keep their feelings to themselves, sort of a John Wayne syndrome. So
I think it’s fair to say that men usually cope by avoiding the issue publicly.
12. What’s the side of men you want to expose? I think you want
to expose that men have emotions and all that goes with it. Human beings have
emotions. They laugh, they cry, they feel pain, they feel isolated, they get
depressed, they feel joy in the celebration of holidays. Somewhere in society
it appears that men are not labeled with that ability. Men are the creatures
that help everybody else express their emotions.
13. Why do men have the image of being alcohol-fueled,
sex-crazed, sports fanatics? I think that might be a harsh description
of how men are. For sure, men like to get together with their buddies and bond.
And they like sex for sure. And they definitely like sports. But remember men
have testosterone. This testosterone causes behavioral patterns that are
different than a female’s. The high testosterone does lead to high sex drive,
but that doesn’t mean sex-crazed. Sports are the way men compete and express
testosterone-driven aggression. And beer is a manly drink. Everyone knows women
drink wine. Guess that’s why men eat doughnuts and women eat croissants. It’s
the chemistry. And actually, women like sex too. They just hide it better.
14. Is it wrong for a man to expect women to think like
them and vice versa? Absolutely,
it’s wrong. You have two different chemical manufacturing plants creating two
different products. The sexes are different by design and I think the error
occurs when you try and change people once programmed. By and large they’re just
two different creatures. And after all, why would you want to think like each
other?
15. Some say your book attacks women. Does it? Absolutely it does
not. What we’re doing here is defining the differences between men and women.
As I’ve already said they’re different and to point out the differences does
not mean that I’m attacking anybody.
16. What are the complexities and realities of men that we
need to appreciate? The
role of men that I define in this book is to be the provider, the protector,
and the procreator. This requires an entity that is strong and aggressive to be
successful in these endeavors. But what we need to recognize is
their emotional side. Men can be tender, they can cry, they can live intensely.
And I’m not talking about sex. You have to recognize that men are very complex
individuals. I’ve had thousands of conversations with these guys in my practice
over the years. I can tell you they can hurt quite a bit, but they’re very
reluctant to admit that publicly. But that doesn’t mean their pain is not as
real as a woman’s.
17. Could cultural changes modify the natural behavior of
boys? Yes.
People can be reprogrammed. Remember The
Manchurian Candidate? That’s a rather harsh example, but the point is that
behavior can be modified to a great extent and there are many psychological
studies that show that. Can you change the biology? I think that needs to be
studied more. But you certainly can change the behavioral response to the
biology.
18. And what of the soft males? It seems to be
politically incorrect for boys to be aggressive. They are medicated and sedated
so they behave in a more controlled manner. Eventually the neural pathways are
created so that they are not the aggressive people that they could be. I think
we have a whole generation of medicated children, most of whom are males, who
learn that being male is not appropriate. Society needs aggressive males in order
to be a society. You need people who can protect and provide. This suggests a certain
intensity that would be required to accomplish these goals. Political
correctness is diminishing these characteristics. This is a very difficult
society that the world has become, and unique, aggressive male characteristics
are needed to do the protecting.
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Brian Feinblum’s views,
opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are his alone and not that of his
employer. You can follow him on Twitter @theprexpert and email him
at brianfeinblum@gmail.com. He feels more important when discussed in the
third-person. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog © 2015
