There’s
a feeling of dysfunction and loneliness that comes to those who meet John, a
man in his 60’s who lives by himself and battles bi-polar disorder. But there’s also something about him that
reminds writers about themselves.
Though
we may look at him with a feeling of sadness or empathy, we also feel
uncomfortable around him. He’s a
struggling poet who is eager for others to read his creations and provide
adulation. We all need that, no matter
how the rest of our life is going.
We may be married, have kids, friends, good health and some money in the bank, but we still feel we need approval form others when it comes to our writings.
We may be married, have kids, friends, good health and some money in the bank, but we still feel we need approval form others when it comes to our writings.
That
need for approbation never abates. We all hunger for glory. If not fame and fortune, then critical
acclaim, awards, or just some words of praise and encouragement from a
stranger will do.
I’ve
known John for at least a decade, maybe for most of the 15 years that I’ve come
to a local Starbucks in Larchmont. He’s
often found there, talking to anyone who will listen, or writing, or handing out
single sheets copies of his poetry. He is consistently fighting mental demons,
the kind that tug at the waking man and the ones that rage within his genes and
undermine him.
I
see John’s both damaged and frail, and yet is he so different from so many of
us? He wears his heart on his
sleeve. What you see is what you get. No
pretense, no masking how screwed up he is.
But he’s a fighter, determined to win the battle with his disease, and
convinced his moment to break through and have his writings read and
appreciated will come.
But
he has no ace up his sleeve, no resources to tap into, and really no blueprint
for finding his way through the writer’s maze. He may seem the exception, the
odd man out, but I think he’s close to representing all of us, reminding us of
our fears, incompetence, weaknesses, and failed pursuits. He’s a testament to the person who keeps
moving forward in the swirling face of a storm.
As a
writer, we must recognize the John inside of us, and call upon ourselves to
rise above our circumstances, family history, or limitations. We write with a purpose and passion, driven
to convey not just a message to others but a meaning to our own lives. If my words can teach, inspire, enlighten or
entertain you then I will have accomplished something. Isn’t that what we each want, some type of
recognition of the impact we have upon another?
You
may never see John’s poetry anywhere, and if you did, you may not feel moved by
it, but his pursuit of being heard has touched me and for that, he has
accomplished something.
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