When Authors Feel Abandoned

 

 

People in our life come and go, sometimes suddenly and in surprising ways. Things can change swiftly. Someone dies, moves away, or breaks up with us. Maybe we had little-to-no warning, no opportunity to even say goodbye. Life is already full of challenges, transitions, and changes, so when people we love or like are swiftly out of our lives, we feel abandoned, cheated, and a little bit lonelier. What we had for so long is no more, almost as if it never existed.

Authors also come into contact with people who die, move, or just fall out of contact with them. Teachers and mentors, publicists and marketers, bookstore owners and librarians, and reading fans— they all come and go. Writers should keep seeking to expand their circle of contacts, for it surely can shrink at any time.

I have had loved ones die suddenly, good friends move away, colleagues I knew for 20 years go silent after a job change, and a wife turn into an ex-wife. When these things unfold, we feel like pieces of ourself broke off and go to a place they can’t be retrieved.

We need something of equal or greater value to replace what we lost and miss, but it is not that easy. How can a deep connection or long-standing relationship that gets severed have a replacement ready to go?

We all mourn, to some degree, when significant people leave us, regardless of the specific circumstances of how they came to no longer be a part of our life.

Even stores and their workers close or come and go with little notice, making our connection to the world a little smaller.

Did I get to say goodbye to a counter guy at the neighborhood deli after he suddenly up and left after knowing him for 10 years?

How about the guy at my pizzeria, whom I have known for 23 years, who has not been seen for months due to a battle with a cancer that may take his life?

Or the bagel store owner whom I saw for years until one day I learn he sold the place and left without a goodbye. How do I reckon with these things?

Businesses get sold or go bankrupt, workers quit or get fired, and owners retire. It is the normal ecosystem of a capitalist economy, but it still stings a little when you don’t get to say goodbye.

So, what is my point here, other than to bemoan how losses suck?

Let’s learn from this. Authors should make relationships, lots of them. Keep up with them.

Realize you have an impact on others. Be aware they can leave you anytime, from publishers and literary agents to editors and readers. Nothing stays the same forever.

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Brian Feinblum, the founder of this award-winning blog, with over 3.9 million page views, can be reached at brianfeinblum@gmail.com  He is available to help authors promote their story, sell their book, and grow their brand. He has over 30 years of experience in successfully helping thousands of authors in all genres. Let him be your advocate, teacher, and motivator!

 

About Brian Feinblum

Brian Feinblum should be followed on www.linkedin.com/in/brianfeinblum. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog ©2024. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he now resides in Westchester with his wife, two kids, and Ferris, a black lab rescue dog, and El Chapo, a pug rescue dog. His writings are often featured in The Writer and IBPA’s The Independent.  This award-winning blog has generated over 3.9 million pageviews. With 4,900+ posts over the past dozen years, it was named one of the best book marketing blogs by BookBaby  http://blog.bookbaby.com/2013/09/the-best-book-marketing-blogs  and recognized by Feedspot in 2021 and 2018 as one of the top book marketing blogs. It was also named by www.WinningWriters.com as a "best resource.” For the past three decades, including 21 years as the head of marketing for the nation’s largest book publicity firm, and director of publicity positions at two independent presses, Brian has worked with many first-time, self-published, authors of all genres, right along with best-selling authors and celebrities such as: Dr. Ruth, Mark Victor Hansen, Joseph Finder, Katherine Spurway, Neil Rackham, Harvey Mackay, Ken Blanchard, Stephen Covey, Warren Adler, Cindy Adams, Todd Duncan, Susan RoAne, John C. Maxwell, Jeff Foxworthy, Seth Godin, and Henry Winkler. He hosted a panel on book publicity for Book Expo America several years ago, and has spoken at ASJA, Independent Book Publishers Association Sarah Lawrence College, Nonfiction Writers Association, Cape Cod Writers Association, Willamette (Portland) Writers Association, APEX, Morgan James Publishing, and Connecticut Authors and Publishers Association. His letters-to-the-editor have been published in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, New York Post, NY Daily News, Newsday, The Journal News (Westchester) and The Washington Post. His first published book was The Florida Homeowner, Condo, & Co-Op Association Handbook.  It was featured in The Sun Sentinel and Miami Herald.