Let's Make a Contract: Getting Through Unhappy Romantic
Relationships
1. What really inspired
you to write your book, to force you from taking an idea or experience and
conveying it into a book?
My patients and my own personal experience with unhappy romantic
relationships inspired me to write this book. After seeing hundreds of patients
who came to me depressed and suffering due to unhappiness with their romantic
relationship, I categorized some of the major reasons for their discontent:
1. “My
spouse/partner changed.”
2. “He/she
started drinking, cheating, being mean to the children and to me, spending
money on ‘toys,’ calling me names, etc.
3. My
partner/spouse won’t change to make me happy.
4. My partner/spouse won’t stop doing what makes
me unhappy.
After processing my patients' unhappy romantic relationships with them,
it occurred to me that these patients were living with someone who had become a
stranger. They were with someone who had inexplicably changed! We started
investigating how their relationships began, if there were any “red flags” that
made them hesitate before committing to their relationship and why they stayed
in their unhappiness.
From these sessions with my patients I began to explore my own romantic
relationship failures and how they happened. I became determined to find some
ways to reduce the suffering of those of us who have found ourselves derailed
and afraid of our future. I researched the rhythm of romance and the road to
its demise. The more research I did the more determined I was to provide a
different path to romance. I hope I achieved that goal.
2. What is it about and whom do you believe is your targeted reader?
This book is about romance and how we
land in unhealthy romantic relationships, why we stay and how to leave. The
final chapter is dedicated to the goal of the book – giving readers information
about healthy romantic relationships. It is meant as a guide for how to develop
and sustain one.
The target audience can range from teens
to seniors. I wish every parent would review this book with their teen and
young adult. The information provided will give them help in discerning
relationship red flags and deal breakers. It will offer a template with which
to look for compatible, stable love. What great conversations we can have with
our teens about the topics addressed in this book!
I think this book will resonate with
adults who have gone through divorce and wonder about how they selected the
person from whom they just parted. Divorce rates in America indicate that a
majority of us are entering romantic relationships with people we really don’t
know. Sure, we know a little about them but we seem to ignore or be
dis-interested in the non-emotional information such as our potential partner’s
view about child rearing, budgeting, etc. It is this information that outlines
one’s character. We need to think about romantic relationships in a different
way. We need to temper the belief that drives many romances: if it feels good,
it must be for me.
3. What do you hope will be the everlasting thoughts for readers who finish your book? What should remain with them long after putting it down?
One of the best foundations for a happy romantic relationship is having
like values. How many people really have a “value” conversation with a
potential romantic relationship? Know your values. Know your partner’s values.
Talk about them and compare. Having similar values will help you keep your
relationship from being built on sand.
4. What advice or words of wisdom do you have for fellow writers?
4. What advice or words of wisdom do you have for fellow writers?
Having an interesting format that is reader friendly and somewhat unusual
can attract readers. All my books are based on the idea of contract making. All
of my books contain original artwork and topical contracts. Contracts work in
relationships! They open conversations. They help people get on the same page.
They solve problems. Over the years I have time tested them with hundreds of my
patients. They work if you keep to your agreements!
5. What trends in the book world do you see and where do you think the book publishing industry is heading?
5. What trends in the book world do you see and where do you think the book publishing industry is heading?
I have friends who have had books published by some well-known
publishers. Without exception, the authors feel that they have received little
support and that promises were not kept. This is secondhand information because
I have no personal experience of this type.
I have been fortunate to put together a publication team that I trust,
that keeps its promises, that communicates with me on a regular basis and that,
I feel, has my best interests at heart. With that said, I am far from a
visionary in the field of book publication.
6. What great challenges did you have in writing your book?
There have been many challenges. Being uniquely creative and making sure
my research is accurate has been a challenge. Being a total novice in the
publishing field, another great challenge was deciding whether to submit book
proposals to a publisher or to self-publish. I ended up with a hybrid publisher
and that has worked for me. Writing a book is very time consuming. I am
grateful that I have loved the topics I have selected.
7. If people can only buy one book this month, why should it be yours?
7. If people can only buy one book this month, why should it be yours?
It’s easy to read. It
will change your life. It will provide you with information you might not have
considered. It is an interesting and fun read.
Dr. Ann Schiebert teaches about relationship
challenges at the medical center of one of the country’s most respected major
HMO’s. Her expertise has helped countless individuals of all ages align their
core values for future healthy and happy relationships. She is currently a
psychologist in the Emergency Department. She also works in the medical
center’s Chemical Dependency Department where she treats patients challenged by
trauma, chemical dependency, codependency and dual diagnosis. Ann is the mother
of three children. She lives in the Bay Area with her husband and her two
ragamuffin kittens, Biscuit and Teddy. For more info, please see: www.drannschiebert.com
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