Should A Writer Divorce Their Spouse?

 

It may sound like a preposterous question, one that surely needs context, and that would most assuredly need a case-by-case response. But the heart of the question is important and needs to be universally asked of all writers: Should you leave your spouse?

So, why would I suggest that such a deeply personal question be asked of all writers?

Because many writers may lack understanding and appreciation from their spouse, which in turn, could further shape how one proceeds with their writing career. If a spouse can’t be helpful, at least don’t be detrimental to your writing career!

Does your spouse act in a way, or say things, that inspire you, free you up to write, and indicate an understanding of your world?

Is your spouse a needy, critical, and uninspiring dream-killer?

Does your spouse encourage, even praise, and champion your writings?

Does your spouse give you what you need — time or money or space — to allow you to pursue your craft, unimpeded by their needs and wants?

Will your spouse give you the sexual release that you may need in order to handle stress or inspire a break through? Will this person service your needs, even sublimating their own in order to fully satisfy you?

A spouse is not just a bang buddy nor a friend, but rather, a complete package who wears many hats and goes to great lengths to make another happy. Spouses are uniquely special and vital to our happiness and ability to succeed.

Writers are married to their minds, living more in a fantasy state than in reality. We create dreams and dream of creating. Can a spouse even be our muse? Maybe.

You should decide if your spouse helps or hinders your writing career. If you see too many negatives or weak spots, see what can be fixed or ignored, otherwise strongly consider giving the pink slip to your partner.

Your writing is way too important to get derailed by the person you share your bed with. It won’t be easy. Maybe she screws your brains out. Maybe he makes you laugh like no one else. Doesn’t matter. Hot bodies or big bank accounts won’t be enough to sustain a writer’s marriage. That spouse must truly be your support, your advocate, and your partner when it comes to your writing.

Look, it is not easy to admit nor confront. But if your spouse isn’t helping you to be a better writer — or stands in the way of your pursuits — just leave. Never mind all that you like about them. Just walk away.

Ok, maybe I wouldn’t make a good marriage counselor. But I know that if writing is important to you, that should trump anything else that your spouse brings to the table.

 

 

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About Brian Feinblum

Brian Feinblum should be followed on LinkedIn. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog ©2023. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he now resides in Westchester with his wife, two kids, and Ferris, a black lab rescue dog, and El Chapo, a pug rescue dog. His writings are often featured in The Writer and IBPA’s The Independent.  This award-winning blog has generated over 3.4 million pageviews. With 4,600+ posts over the past dozen years, it was named one of the best book marketing blogs by BookBaby  http://blog.bookbaby.com/2013/09/the-best-book-marketing-blogs  and recognized by Feedspot in 2021 and 2018 as one of the top book marketing blogs. It was also named by www.WinningWriters.com as a "best resource.” For the past three decades, including 21 years as the head of marketing for the nation’s largest book publicity firm, and two jobs at two independent presses, Brian has worked with many first-time, self-published, authors of all genres, right along with best-selling authors and celebrities such as: Dr. Ruth, Mark Victor Hansen, Joseph Finder, Katherine Spurway, Neil Rackham, Harvey Mackay, Ken Blanchard, Stephen Covey, Warren Adler, Cindy Adams, Todd Duncan, Susan RoAne, John C. Maxwell, Jeff Foxworthy, Seth Godin, and Henry Winkler. He recently hosted a panel on book publicity for Book Expo America, and has spoken at ASJA, Independent Book Publishers Association Sarah Lawrence College, Nonfiction Writers Association, Cape Cod Writers Association, Willamette (Portland) Writers Association, APEX, and Connecticut Authors and Publishers Association. His letters-to-the-editor have been published in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, New York Post, NY Daily News, Newsday, The Journal News (Westchester) and The Washington Post. He has been featured in The Sun Sentinel and Miami Herald. For more information, please consult: www.linkedin.com/in/brianfeinblum.