Saturday, June 29, 2019

Laughable Quotes

Image result for funny images

“The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.”
--Woody Allen

“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
--Axl Rose

“When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.”
--Jean Harlowe, Hollywood actress

“She has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.”
--Bette Davis, on Joan Crawford

“I usually feel pretty good about myself.  I know what I look like. Yyou’d bang me, but you wouldn’t blog about it’s fine.”
--Amy Schumer

“Religion.  It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.”
--Jon Stewart

“Pretty women make us buy beer.  Ugly women make us drink beer.”
--Al Bundy, TV’s Married with Children

“I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that.”
--Jerry Rice, NFL wide receiver

“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
--Chuck Levitt, NBA player

“I want all the kids to copulate me.”
--Andre Dawson, hall of fame baseball player on the need to be a role model

“You can sum up this sport in two words…You never know.”
--Lou Duva, boxing trainer

“They shouldn’t throw at me.  I’m the father of five or six kids.”
--Tito Fuentes, MLB player

“We didn’t lose the game we just ran out of time.”
--Vince Lombardi, football coach

“Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
--Yogi Berra, hall of fame MLB catcher

“I knew when my career was over.  In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.”
--Bob Ueker, former MLB player

“I’m very appreciative of being inducted.”
--Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach, on being inducted into the Florida Hall of Fame

“Saltwater taffy.”
--Caldwell Jones, NBA player, on his favorite seafood

“If you wait for inspiration, to write, you’re not a writer, you’re a waiter.”
--Dan Poynter

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.”
--Hector Berlioz

“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”
--Isaac Asimov

“I’ve been imitated so well I’ve heard people copy my mistakes.”
--Jimi Hendrix

“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
--Steve Martin

I enjoyed reading Say What? 670 Quotes That Should Never Have Been Said, by Doreen Chila-Jones.  Most of the quotes reflected something funny, odd, or weird. Take a look:

“It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming!” 
--Donald Trump, presidential candidate

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we.  They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
--President George W. Bush

“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.  But then I repeat myself.”
--Mark Twain

“You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.”
--Al Capone

“I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until he’s dead.”
--Samuel Goldwyn

“Every man has his price, or a guy like me couldn’t exist.”
--Howard Hughes

“We don’t break the law.”
--Kenneth Lay, CEO of Enron

“If people get all the sex they can handle, they’re so happy and content they just sit around and smile.  I mean, you never feel aggressive just after you’ve gotten laid, right?  Lots of sex for everybody, that’s a solution to the world’s problems.”
--Ted Turner


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Brian Feinblum’s insightful views, provocative opinions, and interesting ideas expressed in this terrific blog are his alone and not that of his employer or anyone else. You can – and should -- follow him on Twitter @theprexpert and email him at He feels much more important when discussed in the third-person. This is copyrighted by BookMarketingBuzzBlog ©2019. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he now resides in Westchester. His writings are often featured in The Writer and IBPA’s Independent.  This was named one of the best book marketing blogs by Book Baby and recognized by Feedspot in 2018 as one of the top book marketing blogs. Also named by as a "best resource.” He recently hosted a panel on book publicity for Book Expo America.

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